Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I Have Lost It!
I need to preface this blog by saying both Andy and I had maybe 3 hours of sleep last night - between finishing the painting of the basement (yeah!) and feeding and playing with sleepless Penelope. And this is not for the light of heart (like Grandma's, I would die!).
I am tired of whining 5 year olds who repeatedly gets beat up by his yournger brother and thus is scared of Owen (I tried to get Holden to throw a toy back at Owen, that Owen had just thrown at H and made him cry, and sweet, sweet Holden just looked at me with these sad eyes that said "I can't do it", he didn't!). I often forget, that we do call Owen "Mad Dog" for a reason.
I am tired of washing sheets almost daily because pull-ups aren't working for both boys! (So I instituted a new rule this morning, that if the pull-up was wet, they had to immediately take it off and throw it away - Owen made it on the side-door steps, buck-naked with pull-up in hand, when I retracted the rule.)
I am tired of hidden, used underwear, and clothes that aren't dirty or weren't even worn being laundered. We are having #2 on the toilet issues with You Know Who which resulted in 4 secret changes yesterday.
I am tired of not being able to make a decision, stick with it, and follow through because I am tired, lazy, crazy, and sleep deprived. (Yes, I am STILL grappling with my pre-school choices, Junior League commitment, PTA!).
I am tired of having no good babysitters!!! We had one yesterday while I went on errands and Andy was painting, and she proceeded to watch the boys jump on their beds. When Andy came up to tell them to stop, while she watched from seated position in the middle of the floor, a few minutes later when he heard the bed-jumping resume, he came up again...unbelievable! I mean they probably wouldn't have listened to her, but distraction, distraction, and discipline...I miss Erica!
I am tired of being tired. Today is the 6th week of Penelope's birth. It's the magic time of day-sleep regulation, smiles, and pure baby joy right?
I am tired of saying "damn" in front and to my kids! As most of you know I certainly inherited the Northern Utah swear genes (from you know who and Grandma E.!) but I haven't really ever said them in front and especially to the kids. Now it's "shut the damn door" and "pick up your damn clothes" and I can't seem to stop! I know this is a clear sign of a total loss of self-control. When I confided this problem to a sweet friend yesterday, she said, "well, I guess you just lose it a little more with each child." At first I was caught off guard, but I think she's right. I really can't believe the boys haven't said it yet...
I am tired of laundry!!! Laundry has never been my strong point or even near it, but since the new babe, a resolve to do laundry daily (FlyLady tactic), and complaint #2 about peed in sheets and useless laundry, it has piled up to in-humane porportions. Granted it is clean, but two huge, overflowing baskets of clean clothes are just sitting in my front room.
I put the cute pictures of my kids (of whom I have the most frustration right now) up there so I can remember to best of times!
That felt good! Today really is a turning point, the carpet is supposedly being installed today, which means the 6 month, self-contracted, basement remodel will be 95% complete and totally usable! I will choose to enjoy our renewed space and not even think about the next projects (maybe I will start showing at Kate's or something so I don't think about it daily!). Oops, no more negativity, my husband is wonderful and handling my breakdown and his three hours of sleep very well. Holden is still crying...because he is a sensitive, sweet, smart, and heavenly little boy. Owen can totally sense my loss of control and has really turned into sweet, obedient Owen in the last hour. And Penelope is so mushy and adorable I want to kiss her little pink face all day and feel her cute chubby Andy cheeks! I am terribly healthy and my needs are met, and thank goodness for sisters that live close that I can go to, let my kids loose, and relax when I need to (I abuse this ability daily with Katie and weekly with further away Megan!).